batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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