My friends, they love my intelligence
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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