I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
