I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
