I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize