Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
