lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
