I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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