cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
