I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
