1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
