If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
