i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
