We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize