Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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