I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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