no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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