You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
