my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
