god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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