At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
