still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
