When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
