i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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