just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
