I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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