need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
