Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
