I just cut my nipple shaving
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
