my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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