All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
