she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pants are for mortals
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
