Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
