"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize