I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
