Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
