I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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