She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
