i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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