At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
