I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You were trust falling into bushes
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