it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
