I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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