i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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