ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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