it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we should paint friendship bongs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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