I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
