C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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