Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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