I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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