small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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