I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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