Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
