im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize