I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
