If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
