yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
