Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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