I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
