Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
