I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
