Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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