Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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