just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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