Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
