This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
