your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
