Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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