bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
