I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
