woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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