Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
